Suddenly life sux...

I don't look forward to continuing my days anymore...

NS sux... The whole week hasn't been good, although nth much, went for live range and passed it, slacked a lot, got fat, scare myself that re-sitiest would be on thursday...

I wish I'd be able to turn back time. Stay at certain point of my life and never move forward. Times where I did not knew anything, times when I could just do what I felt like doing and not be wrong.

Things are going way too fast for me now. Decisions to be made, choices to choose...

Sign on or not sign on? 10yrs of "bondage" or a life of "roaming"?, either way seems to be negative... 10yrs of "employed" status or a life of "freedom"?

Suddenly pilot is not in my sight... I still have the C3 within my means but OCS doesn't seem to be my cup of tea anymore... Especially having have to go through more outfield. NS is not a long long BB camp, it's not camping, it's called out field... It's really different and you WILL hate it...

The easiest way out of it? Sign on, 8 to 5 study for 3 mths and get paid around 2k+. Graduate and earn more... The other way, become an NSMen, stay in, SGT only $700 a mth and that's like the last few mths of NS and then really Serve And F***-off...

I've been enduring, at the back of my mind I've told myself God will always be holding me, but my body really can't take it anymore... I've been falling in and out of illness, coughing ever since BMT started and never for the least did I recovered... Fall out of route march twice already, got dripped and had to drink the packs... I really hate it...

I can't score silver for IPPT, I can't even count properly how many rounds I ran and I foolishly ran 7 rounds instead of 6... Although the timing was rather satisfying 13:14mins for 2.8km...

God? I'm really at lost now... You've sent me a test that I'd failed flat, now you've given me an uphill task to perform... I feel alone, I feel lost. I'm sorry that bro/sis have to see this but I'm really battered and worn out. This process of refining is beating me out of my shape even though I'm really relying on God... Help me Jesus... My faith is not only shaken, it's in dispair... Where's my victory???