Thank God for yesterday.
Although I'm still sadden over the fact that grandpa has gone on, selfishly I was quite happy. When I arrived at the wake, mum asked me if I could offer incense to grandpa. Obviously I said I can't as a Christian.
Thank you brothers and sisters for praying for me and my family. I believe God letting me off this time round from persecution is not because I will prevail in His name, but there are more important things for me to accomplish.
When I walked grandma up to her home, I really struggled. I didn't know how to share Christ with her. In my heart it pains me as I try to get her to take some rest. Her frail body taking each step up the stairs and into the house felt like thistles pricking my heart with every beat.
The Holy Spirit must be telling me that I should share with her the gospel... Obviously I didn't, it was late, she needed to rest, she cannot understand English and my Mandarin is not strong enough to share the gospel. Oh me oh my... thousand and one excuses... all I can say is that i'm ashamed of myself...
Later on will be another day at the wake. Thank God for his awesome timing, coincidentally this is the only week that I do not have weekend classes... I wonder... It means that I could stay up late to support my family at the wake and have a good rest this morning til all the ceremonies will be over and I can head over in the evening again.
Brothers and sisters-in-Christ, please please please pray for my family. Kar Qian have been a babe to me, we've grown closer and I treasure this kinship. Pray for her salvation together with her family. Pray for my grandma and her salvation, no doubt she doesn't seem to suffer any illness but I really hope the time that she have left in this world will be an enjoyable and comfortable one.
Thank you and thank God once again.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Grandpa passed away...
On the 9th Feb 2012.
Although I can't say we're very close, we're not very cold either. My grandpa is the cool dude kind, the very few men of that era that speak fluent English and was a Policeman in his younger days.
My favourite memories with him were during the younger primary school days where Ben & I were often brought out to Orchard road to buy toys. He often get us into those 20c kiddy rides and never tires.
Subsequently as we grew into secondary and tertiary schools, meetings were once in awhile and brief. We would watch TV during CNY and he would give the darnest comments to make everyone laugh. I would miss that every CNY... =(
The part that saddens me is the speed of his condition. He was looking so fine on 初二 of CNY when he visited us, albeit his slight dementia. He still could joke about his memory loss and laugh about it. A week later, he landed up in hospital when I was sailing. Mum said he could respond, recall and react normally the 1st day he was admitted.
The day when I came back from the sail I had a rude shock and went to visit him the moment I got the news. He couldn't recognise me or my father. He cannot focus and had to be restrained. It pains my heart to see my ah gong treated like this even though I knew it was for his own good.
When I visited him on my own on the following Monday he was admitted to Neuro ICU. He cannot recognise me, he cannot response and cannot speak, I couldn't get him to look me in the eye. I tried to share Jesus with him but I'm not sure if he heard or understood me. He was so weak that whenever he tried to struggle out of his restrain, he would fall asleep and wake up a minute later. It just continues until I couldn't bear to watch anymore.
Today, another rude shock after work. Re-admitted to Neuro ICU... Urghh... Uncle Meng said that he had a fit and subsequently many blood clots in the brain. Doctor warned us to be prepared for the worst. I hate that... How do you prepare for the worst? It's nonsensical... Just be mentally prepared would be fine. The sight of him lying there and the breathing machine forcing air into his body makes me wanna pull all the tubes out... I felt angry and helpless... just can't help but fell helpless. All I did was pray and remind ah gong about Jesus.
10.30pm or so, I received the last news about ah gong... "Grandpa died alrdy" from my mum... Haiz was all I could do. At least there's no more tubes and hoses to be shoved into my grandpa, at least the pain stops, at least he is at peace at last. No more suffering.
I regretted not being able to share with ah gong about Jesus precisely and get a confirm response. I know I will not forget this episode because of the images that I've seen, the suffering that he underwent during his short week stay in the hospital. How can a life flash pass so fast in a week in a hospital? All my visits I question the medical staffs, but to no avail as to what is his condition and why so fast...
I guess only Jesus knows...
Although I can't say we're very close, we're not very cold either. My grandpa is the cool dude kind, the very few men of that era that speak fluent English and was a Policeman in his younger days.
My favourite memories with him were during the younger primary school days where Ben & I were often brought out to Orchard road to buy toys. He often get us into those 20c kiddy rides and never tires.
Subsequently as we grew into secondary and tertiary schools, meetings were once in awhile and brief. We would watch TV during CNY and he would give the darnest comments to make everyone laugh. I would miss that every CNY... =(
The part that saddens me is the speed of his condition. He was looking so fine on 初二 of CNY when he visited us, albeit his slight dementia. He still could joke about his memory loss and laugh about it. A week later, he landed up in hospital when I was sailing. Mum said he could respond, recall and react normally the 1st day he was admitted.
The day when I came back from the sail I had a rude shock and went to visit him the moment I got the news. He couldn't recognise me or my father. He cannot focus and had to be restrained. It pains my heart to see my ah gong treated like this even though I knew it was for his own good.
When I visited him on my own on the following Monday he was admitted to Neuro ICU. He cannot recognise me, he cannot response and cannot speak, I couldn't get him to look me in the eye. I tried to share Jesus with him but I'm not sure if he heard or understood me. He was so weak that whenever he tried to struggle out of his restrain, he would fall asleep and wake up a minute later. It just continues until I couldn't bear to watch anymore.
Today, another rude shock after work. Re-admitted to Neuro ICU... Urghh... Uncle Meng said that he had a fit and subsequently many blood clots in the brain. Doctor warned us to be prepared for the worst. I hate that... How do you prepare for the worst? It's nonsensical... Just be mentally prepared would be fine. The sight of him lying there and the breathing machine forcing air into his body makes me wanna pull all the tubes out... I felt angry and helpless... just can't help but fell helpless. All I did was pray and remind ah gong about Jesus.
10.30pm or so, I received the last news about ah gong... "Grandpa died alrdy" from my mum... Haiz was all I could do. At least there's no more tubes and hoses to be shoved into my grandpa, at least the pain stops, at least he is at peace at last. No more suffering.
I regretted not being able to share with ah gong about Jesus precisely and get a confirm response. I know I will not forget this episode because of the images that I've seen, the suffering that he underwent during his short week stay in the hospital. How can a life flash pass so fast in a week in a hospital? All my visits I question the medical staffs, but to no avail as to what is his condition and why so fast...
I guess only Jesus knows...
Friday, February 03, 2012
Long time since I've last updated...
Well... Thank God for blogs!
It's been awhile and I've got some thoughts that I thought I would like to pen down.
With Twitter, Facebook and all those social media thingy goin on, seems like a new age is booming... New Media as the gahment like to call it has established itself as one powerful force that is difficult to dealt with. Even SOPA and all those policy thingy couldn't get a break. Guess that's what we have for 'people power' in today's context huh?
Anyways... Just came back from another sail... Urgh! How I hate sailing... Absolutely hate! If it weren't for the many men and gals whom were in the same plight as myself, I wouldn't even want to go!
CO STL quotes "The more we sweat during training, the less we bleed during war". I believe in this statement very much, but seriously? Are we even contemplating war? We're a deterrent force for goodness sake! Urggh! NVM...
I just thank God I made it home in 1 piece and apart from breathing all the fumes, sweating all those sweat, I never really worked too hard on this sail. Although the constant rocking and frequent humming from the waves and engine made my head spun, I actually felt quite in control of my emotions and held up pretty well.
Maybe it's the notion that this could be my last sail? Too soon to speak perhaps but I foresee that it'll be so. Speaking of last sail, Ruth Tan! Congratulations on your last sail! Whether or not you'll be seeing this I still wanna mention, you're an inspiration to me and you really put me to shame - in a good way =)
Happy ORD! I bid you farewell and Godspeed on your next phase of life where ever it may be. I pray that God will use you mightily and yea, I really envy you! Haha. Have a great life, we'll catch up over facebook =)
On the way home I was just thinking, God's really mighty. He made us neither too big or too small, the size of Earth the way it is and made men to rule over it. If you can't picture it, download google earth and take a look. Moments ago I was still in a tin can floating on the seas around the China / Taiwan (somewhere around that region) area, moments later i'm here in my comfy room typing and ranting away... Hmmm... gentiles will say that men have grown incredibly smart and have harnessed the knowledge. I say God had made us mighty to rule over this world. God is just so amazing, He makes me see new things and teaches me something new every now and then.
Haven talk about my school, it's been so fast and furious it seems like I was born to do this! I really struggled to take up the course for many many reasons:
With theses 3 reasons, I asked God if I really needed and wanted to take up the program. I told myself if I were to be able to pay the school fees, i'll give my best shot at it and really spend time to study. Well, God provided the money. Since I've got the money, let's ask permission from work. Surprise surprise! Permission granted! Morning shift til the shift needs me, so far so good =) Finally, it was the assurance that God gave me when I went for the program preview, conducive environment, most of the students were like me part-timers, very enthu counterparts (judging from the 1st impression). Everything seems great.
Well, the rest was basically like this: bridging, bridging over, sem1, sem1 over, sem2, sem2 over and now sem3... oh my oh my... after sem 3 will be the last sem! It's gonna be great!
Really thankful to God! Thank you Lord for providing me and setting a clear path infront of me. I know that what the future holds is in your hands, help me Lord for making the right choices, let me not fail you in anyway and may I glorify your name.
Thank you Jesus for placing such awesome schoolmates to encourage and and support me! For putting them in my life as wonderful friends!
Thank you Father also for the support from Church, thank You for cell that Alan and Sherine would be patient and lead the cell. That the cell members are understanding of my plight and are willing to make sacrifices to their timing to suit mine.
Thank you Lord.
It can only get better from here =)
It's been awhile and I've got some thoughts that I thought I would like to pen down.
With Twitter, Facebook and all those social media thingy goin on, seems like a new age is booming... New Media as the gahment like to call it has established itself as one powerful force that is difficult to dealt with. Even SOPA and all those policy thingy couldn't get a break. Guess that's what we have for 'people power' in today's context huh?
Anyways... Just came back from another sail... Urgh! How I hate sailing... Absolutely hate! If it weren't for the many men and gals whom were in the same plight as myself, I wouldn't even want to go!
CO STL quotes "The more we sweat during training, the less we bleed during war". I believe in this statement very much, but seriously? Are we even contemplating war? We're a deterrent force for goodness sake! Urggh! NVM...
I just thank God I made it home in 1 piece and apart from breathing all the fumes, sweating all those sweat, I never really worked too hard on this sail. Although the constant rocking and frequent humming from the waves and engine made my head spun, I actually felt quite in control of my emotions and held up pretty well.
Maybe it's the notion that this could be my last sail? Too soon to speak perhaps but I foresee that it'll be so. Speaking of last sail, Ruth Tan! Congratulations on your last sail! Whether or not you'll be seeing this I still wanna mention, you're an inspiration to me and you really put me to shame - in a good way =)
Happy ORD! I bid you farewell and Godspeed on your next phase of life where ever it may be. I pray that God will use you mightily and yea, I really envy you! Haha. Have a great life, we'll catch up over facebook =)
On the way home I was just thinking, God's really mighty. He made us neither too big or too small, the size of Earth the way it is and made men to rule over it. If you can't picture it, download google earth and take a look. Moments ago I was still in a tin can floating on the seas around the China / Taiwan (somewhere around that region) area, moments later i'm here in my comfy room typing and ranting away... Hmmm... gentiles will say that men have grown incredibly smart and have harnessed the knowledge. I say God had made us mighty to rule over this world. God is just so amazing, He makes me see new things and teaches me something new every now and then.
Haven talk about my school, it's been so fast and furious it seems like I was born to do this! I really struggled to take up the course for many many reasons:
- I'm not really the studious type.
- I'm in the SAF and really, time is not on my side
- I haven't studied since Air Force School, minus that it's Poly.
With theses 3 reasons, I asked God if I really needed and wanted to take up the program. I told myself if I were to be able to pay the school fees, i'll give my best shot at it and really spend time to study. Well, God provided the money. Since I've got the money, let's ask permission from work. Surprise surprise! Permission granted! Morning shift til the shift needs me, so far so good =) Finally, it was the assurance that God gave me when I went for the program preview, conducive environment, most of the students were like me part-timers, very enthu counterparts (judging from the 1st impression). Everything seems great.
Well, the rest was basically like this: bridging, bridging over, sem1, sem1 over, sem2, sem2 over and now sem3... oh my oh my... after sem 3 will be the last sem! It's gonna be great!
Really thankful to God! Thank you Lord for providing me and setting a clear path infront of me. I know that what the future holds is in your hands, help me Lord for making the right choices, let me not fail you in anyway and may I glorify your name.
Thank you Jesus for placing such awesome schoolmates to encourage and and support me! For putting them in my life as wonderful friends!
Thank you Father also for the support from Church, thank You for cell that Alan and Sherine would be patient and lead the cell. That the cell members are understanding of my plight and are willing to make sacrifices to their timing to suit mine.
Thank you Lord.
It can only get better from here =)
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