On the 9th Feb 2012.
Although I can't say we're very close, we're not very cold either. My grandpa is the cool dude kind, the very few men of that era that speak fluent English and was a Policeman in his younger days.
My favourite memories with him were during the younger primary school days where Ben & I were often brought out to Orchard road to buy toys. He often get us into those 20c kiddy rides and never tires.
Subsequently as we grew into secondary and tertiary schools, meetings were once in awhile and brief. We would watch TV during CNY and he would give the darnest comments to make everyone laugh. I would miss that every CNY... =(
The part that saddens me is the speed of his condition. He was looking so fine on 初二 of CNY when he visited us, albeit his slight dementia. He still could joke about his memory loss and laugh about it. A week later, he landed up in hospital when I was sailing. Mum said he could respond, recall and react normally the 1st day he was admitted.
The day when I came back from the sail I had a rude shock and went to visit him the moment I got the news. He couldn't recognise me or my father. He cannot focus and had to be restrained. It pains my heart to see my ah gong treated like this even though I knew it was for his own good.
When I visited him on my own on the following Monday he was admitted to Neuro ICU. He cannot recognise me, he cannot response and cannot speak, I couldn't get him to look me in the eye. I tried to share Jesus with him but I'm not sure if he heard or understood me. He was so weak that whenever he tried to struggle out of his restrain, he would fall asleep and wake up a minute later. It just continues until I couldn't bear to watch anymore.
Today, another rude shock after work. Re-admitted to Neuro ICU... Urghh... Uncle Meng said that he had a fit and subsequently many blood clots in the brain. Doctor warned us to be prepared for the worst. I hate that... How do you prepare for the worst? It's nonsensical... Just be mentally prepared would be fine. The sight of him lying there and the breathing machine forcing air into his body makes me wanna pull all the tubes out... I felt angry and helpless... just can't help but fell helpless. All I did was pray and remind ah gong about Jesus.
10.30pm or so, I received the last news about ah gong... "Grandpa died alrdy" from my mum... Haiz was all I could do. At least there's no more tubes and hoses to be shoved into my grandpa, at least the pain stops, at least he is at peace at last. No more suffering.
I regretted not being able to share with ah gong about Jesus precisely and get a confirm response. I know I will not forget this episode because of the images that I've seen, the suffering that he underwent during his short week stay in the hospital. How can a life flash pass so fast in a week in a hospital? All my visits I question the medical staffs, but to no avail as to what is his condition and why so fast...
I guess only Jesus knows...
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