Re Sitest...

Finally it's over...

The dreaded thing was a rather fun and memorable experience... It's definitely more fun then field camp but really really more tiring then Field Camp... And it rained the 1st 2 days so it's more uncomfortable and soggy then anything...

Day 1
Packed up everything, leaved Falcon Coy... March all the way to Ulysiss Coy, 7 of us...
Sat there, checked our combat rations, and it was a rather immediate set-off... Kinda shocked me but I guess it's better now or never...
So, 12km route march, Field Pack, SBO, Rifle, Helmet in Long 4... Y_Y
When we reached there, my boots were already soaking wet, along the way wasn't tarmac but mud and sand. I hate it... =(

Pitched basha, have dinner and watch the sky rain on us and tear down our sleeping area... =( my heart sank, cried and wailed... I really wanted to give up... Alone, with nobody I really know, attached to a coy which has a very big reputation for being the strictest and most fierce...

I really felt forsakened by God... Nobody to care for me, everone's against or rather fighting with me (fighting to be no. 1)... God sent rain and made the whole campsite Milo Peng... Though I don't show it but really I was just crying inside... I wanted to fall out and go home...

Collected my stores... I'm detail 3 - LAW Gunner... I had to carry a 6.3kg weapon, other then my own rifle... FOR ALL MY MISSIONS!!! I wanted to die... GOD! HELP ME...

Slept in a muddy field, guarding 2 weapons... water surrounding me, boots soaking wet... Mosquitoes stinging me all over through my long 4... I want to go home... "Hold on" Cry... Hold On... Cry... Slp, wake, hold on...

Day 2
Woke up, still have to do 5BX... The most amount of jumping jacks with rifle on... Everything on - including my LAW tube... 4 km FAST MARCH... T_T Came back SOAKING wet coz of SWEAT...

Split into detail level and whole day went for missions... over the 2km x 2km = 4km² area of stations... T_T
The missions are really tough, mentally, physically... I think the details are classified so I really can't share it here... but trust me... nobody wish to do them... especially in the hot sun and then the heavy downpour... I had fever in the evening...

Sleep... got waken by very cold winds... slp, cry... hold on... wind... snores... hold on...

Day 3
More missions... back up... go home... finally it's over... finally...

no lunch... no rest, no slp... rush like crazy just to catch the 3.30pm fast craft....
can't forget... still remember... cry, hold on... cry, hold on...

I'm all alone... really alone... observing and keeping silent, always alone...

Livin in circles...

Life is a cycle... I hate going tru the motion having to wake up everyday and do the same bloody stuffs... It's even worst if u're in NS or BMT rather... And then you'll hear this guy starts whining abt how NS sux or life sux coz he's in BMT...

Cycles.. I want, need, wish to live out of them...

I'm sorry if I've scared you... Sorry if I sound desperate but I'm not... I don't wish to lose a friend especially such a good friend. But it's not up to me to decide is it? I've already screwed it up i guess...

I hate cycles.. I don't want to live them... No wake up in the morning at 0530 EVERYDAY... no 0545 breakfasts.... I don't wan any... No feeling of missing of people during admin time... I don't wan to have lunch when I'm not hungry and I don't want to do all thisssss....

"2yrs of army, every male Singaporean have to go through it, get the most out of it..." what's the most? What can I learn in BMT that I've not already know? It's stupid and time wasting.... I want to be out!!!

Thank God it's just 2 more weeks... I'm very looking forward to an afternoon at sentosa, sun, sand, sea. Volleyball, soccer, wadever rides there are to play til evening. Sakae after that... go home take a deep deep slp.. that'll be so great.... 2 more weeks...

I wish it'll come soon. Just finished 16km route march yesterday without problems... Still got 24km... Finished the scariest most fun Live Handgrenade Throw, There's BAC and my dreaded Re-Sitest... =(

Amongst the mids of all this chaos, I've finally found time to do God's work... I really thank God, out of no where I was suddenly sharing the bible wit my platoon mate and telling him about God and Jesus. Amazing, right where I wasn't expecting anything. His name is derrick, gonna get him a bible wit another Christian who is his bunk mate. Pray for him.

Wish me luck, wish me well... Pray for me most importantly for the coming 2 weeks and my posting results... Thx

Suddenly life sux...

I don't look forward to continuing my days anymore...

NS sux... The whole week hasn't been good, although nth much, went for live range and passed it, slacked a lot, got fat, scare myself that re-sitiest would be on thursday...

I wish I'd be able to turn back time. Stay at certain point of my life and never move forward. Times where I did not knew anything, times when I could just do what I felt like doing and not be wrong.

Things are going way too fast for me now. Decisions to be made, choices to choose...

Sign on or not sign on? 10yrs of "bondage" or a life of "roaming"?, either way seems to be negative... 10yrs of "employed" status or a life of "freedom"?

Suddenly pilot is not in my sight... I still have the C3 within my means but OCS doesn't seem to be my cup of tea anymore... Especially having have to go through more outfield. NS is not a long long BB camp, it's not camping, it's called out field... It's really different and you WILL hate it...

The easiest way out of it? Sign on, 8 to 5 study for 3 mths and get paid around 2k+. Graduate and earn more... The other way, become an NSMen, stay in, SGT only $700 a mth and that's like the last few mths of NS and then really Serve And F***-off...

I've been enduring, at the back of my mind I've told myself God will always be holding me, but my body really can't take it anymore... I've been falling in and out of illness, coughing ever since BMT started and never for the least did I recovered... Fall out of route march twice already, got dripped and had to drink the packs... I really hate it...

I can't score silver for IPPT, I can't even count properly how many rounds I ran and I foolishly ran 7 rounds instead of 6... Although the timing was rather satisfying 13:14mins for 2.8km...

God? I'm really at lost now... You've sent me a test that I'd failed flat, now you've given me an uphill task to perform... I feel alone, I feel lost. I'm sorry that bro/sis have to see this but I'm really battered and worn out. This process of refining is beating me out of my shape even though I'm really relying on God... Help me Jesus... My faith is not only shaken, it's in dispair... Where's my victory???

Some of my Creations :)

Kinda bored, so show off some of my Creations :)

SITEST Sux...

Here I am at home waiting to go for my medical review... Feel kinda weird to be here around this time coz I'm suppose to be back in camp.

But since I've got medical review, company line decided to let me book out 8am and book in 6pm. So other than having the review I'll have the day off. =)

The past 3 days was bad. 1st up was SITEST = situational test. The test to see if u're OCS/SISPEC caliber. I gotta retake the test again coz the past 3 days i was vomitting like nobody's business....

Please pray for me, I can't eat food, can't drink much and I feel like shit. The worst thing is when I don't eat my gastric comes up again. UGH... So I have to force my self to eat, vomit and deal with the gastric after I empty my stomach again...

MO there told me I needed rest. But coy made me do manual labor by carrying stores, cleaning up equipment... I felt like shit larx... Haiz... I'm beginning to hate army...

Ok, I've never liked it anywayz... OCS/SISPEC seems farfetched for me right now... Not until I've redo the SITEST... I really wonder how the other guys can take it. Maybe I'm just weak...
='''(