Today's a very very crappy day for me.
The message today didn't mean a lot to me but God through the day taught me a lesson. No matter how big your faith is, how strong in Christ you are, you CANNOT depend on man. ONLY depend in God.
It's very very sad that Christian brothers and sisters fail you. Right when you least expected and those whom you really can trust.
Crap man. This 1st parade meeting was really a real blowout for me. A really big disappointment. Late, never turn up, talk crap, don't want to concentrate. From there I found out that there are Christian sisters who dislike me for no obvious reason... That was really really sad, I've tried a lot of ways to change, I never thought that my efforts unseen by my parents are also unseen by others. The pain in my heart was excruciating. I'm so sad by the time the meeting ended, I wonder if I was dazing during the meeting...
After the meeting I had to go and decorate the church. Hours of timetable scheduling and time planning I finally manage to get the whole cell group to get down and do some deco. This is the biggest disappointment I got. Instead of decorating the place I can see people lazing around and not doing the most important and time wasting thing.
Of course I didn't want to show anger or scold anyone because I don't want to hurt anyone. I also didn't want to disappoint them so I did the decoration by myself.
ALL THE BLOODY DECORATIONS ARE DONE BY MYSELF...
I do not know why God want to teach me this panful lesson but I think I over rely on Christian brothers and sisters. I think God is telling me that all men are the same whether Christians or not.
I almost couldn't take it when it seems that my comments were not taken into considerations. Planned and agreed upon, Christmas noon my house BBQ with plt 14 but then don't know why change to steamboat with plt 17 instead. I only know the actual information only yesterday and I already planned the plt 14 BBQ like october.
I didn't mind the change but it's the ignorance of my comments, my time, my planning and all my efforts gone to waste. Also the last minute information. I was like the last to know. Even Kangwei who is not in parade, cannot come for service knew 1st hand information!!! What is this?????
Don't blame me if 1 day I really blow off my top, I'm still human anyway. Cannot continue le. My keyboard will spoil of taking then punches my fingers throw...
Grr!
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