Although I'm not a GL or AGL, neither an overseer nor part of the committee, not a camper and not a speaker. I was invited to stay over and 'help' out in the camp.
3rd to 6th Dec 2004, Youth Camp. BB/GB Campsite... The theme was "I found it". I was wondering why God wanted me to go. Since I'm not 1 of them, I didn't find the need to evangilise.
Way before the camp, "councellor" gave me "councilling" and before that I did not felt left out. It was only after I knew that I had to stay for the camp then I felt very very left out. I prayed to God and ask myself why, "What am I to do in the camp?". Kept thinking of what can I learn...
I was brought back to the days of last year when I was the AGL of Da Vinci (we got 1st place in games). We were so called reunited when I was asked to join Jasper because many of our old teammates were there...
During the camp, I never fail to remind myself of what am I suppose to learn here, yet throughout I didn't find anything to learn...
I was the musician, the games master, the assistant soundman, stand-in GL, I found myself doing part-time logistics as well as the photographer...
I never found anytime to listen to any messages, participate in the games, gel together with my group or any of such. Sure I've enjoyed previledges like being able to sleep in the Officer's bunk, to be able to forfeit another group's points/beads and take plastic cups instead of using my own mug... But I did not see what God was trying to teach me.
I was feeling bad when I could not help my GL even though I was trying to stand-in when he was not around just because I did not get to know them and I almost killed the fire for them...
The feeling of being unable to accomplish what seemed that I'm suppose to do was rather a great impact to me. I felt God was very harsh on me by putting me in that position...
I didn't care about it and kept thinking still there must be a lesson for me to learn... I still didn't found what was it - I've not found it...
The last day of the camp(today) was really a bummer... Throughout the camp no one woke me up for anything, nobody cared if I was late for worship, if I'm late for breakfast, for devotion or workshop... I only had things to do when I ask if help was needed, if not I would initiate my on my own...
I seemed to be so extra, no it's excess. If I'm extra at least it's still ok,(extra food, extra cash) but it was like I'm so excess.(excess fats, excess baggauge) I sucked like hell man... And I was left to go home alone, nobody cared, my friends left, logistics hurried away and I was so left out.
Even though God sent transport and companionship but it wasn't at all comforting, it made matters worst for me... It was so sad but I cannot be.
Theses weren't the worst things. The really worst thing was I had nothing to keep as a souvenier, not even a photo. I was so depressed about it...
But I still never forget the thought in my mind. What am I suppose to learn from God? Apart from starting to evangelise to Dennis I really could not find anything worthy to be called related to God... My heart was already crying...
Till now, I still feel a little upset but then...
I found it! I found what God was teaching me as I sit down and think and pray about it.
KWO asked me, "You do this for reconition?" Immediately the answer to that irritating question popped up to my mind.
God was telling me to be humble, I was there to serve God, to do His work. To remember what I had been practicing since my BB days - To be humble.
hum�ble ( P ) Pronunciation Key (hmbl)
adj. hum�bler, hum�blest
Marked by meekness or modesty in behavior, attitude, or spirit; not arrogant or prideful.
Showing deferential or submissive respect: a humble apology.
Low in rank, quality, or station; unpretentious or lowly: a humble cottage.
How the hell could I have forgottened that I was there to serve? I totally forgotened to be humbled that I'm not a need to others but I'm just serving. I thank God that He has teached me a lot of humbleness and being lowly among others. I also want to thank God that I was the 3rd last part of the pie to get Dennis to accept Christ... It was such encouraging that I did my part for God. Amen!
Btw, this post is sooooooo 'diary-like' and I hate it... But I guess the Holy Spirit wanted me to pen this down... Cya!
Here's to Dennis and all the others who have accepted the Lord! Amen! and Hallelujah!
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